If I ever had a doubt about how very cool and incredibly wonderful my friends are, it would have been entirely erased last weekend. For the Blair Trystan Project, Irina, Kelly, and Elisa surprised me with a fabulous trip to Las Vegas!

I think it started with some casual jokes between Irina and I about going to Vegas for a bachelorette party. I wasn't serious -- sure, I'd love to go, esp. since I hadn't been to Vegas before. I never expected she'd actually put together a trip like this.

It was supposed to be a surprise, but that got a bit muddled. Irina had been communicating with Thomas the whole time, and he let it slip to his best man, Mike. Of course, Mike told his fiance Nonie, who told various mutual friends of ours. Nonie herself asked me about the Vegas trip at my bridal shower -- long before Irina officially told me about the trip. Then another friend asked me about Vegas when we were out at dinner. That really irked me. Irina, Kelly, and Elisa were going thru so much trouble and wanted it to be a surprise. I felt sorry for them that it got totally blown.

Regardless of how I found out, it was a blast! This weekend both kicked ass and took names. Too bad it couldn't have been longer. I arrived in Vegas Friday night 'round midnight. Kelly was supposed to arrive about the same time, but her flight was delayed, and she didn't get in until 3am (which was a blessing in disguise -- I took a nap!).

First thing, we hit the Venetian casino right next door to our divey room at the Tam O'Shanter Motel. The Venetian is a big ol' slice o' Venice, Italy (as the name implies), complete with canals, gondolas, the Campanile (like the one UC Berkeley's is based on), elaborate ceiling frescos, and boatloads of gilded everything. Few things are cooler than spending the late, late night in a casino, winning at quarter slots and being served beers by scantily clad ladies, and then exiting the casino to meet a glorious dawn rising and reflected on the mirrored surfaces of gigantic hotels.

Kelly and I had breakfast at Denny's, then hit the Strip, where immense hotel-casinos dominate every vista. People always talk about how reality is warped in Vegas. The giant oversize-ness of everything, the lack of a concrete timescale (what with no clocks in the open-24-hour casinos), the superficiality of a culture based on looks and money, the idolization of vice and crime. Yeah, it's all that and more, baby! Vegas seems to exist in an alternate reality, a different time-stream, a bubble separate and totally disconnected from the Real World. And while I wouldn't want to live there, it's hella fun to visit!!! It's the ultimate in hedonism and decadence. It's pure, unadulterated sin. It's flash and fantasy, which I think everyone needs to indulge in once in a while.

Across from our motel was Treasure Island, a hotel that puts Disney's Pirates of the Carribean to shame. Two huge ships are moored in the hotel-front lagoon, surrounded by a pirate-infested townscape. Later on that day, we all saw the big sea battle show, where the proper English ship was sunk by the "arr" spouting pirates. Treasure Island is also home to one of the two Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas -- Mystere, which Kelly and Elisa saw on Sunday night (their flights left much later than Irina's and mine).

We next wandered into the Mirage -- home of Sigfreid, Roy, and their white tiger troupe -- and played with the darling white tiger toys in the shops. That's when Irina called to let us know she was at the motel (I'd never have thought to bring my cellphone to Vegas, but Kelly's suggestion turned out to be incredibly handy!). Irina met us there, and we cruised next door to Caesar's Palace and the Forum shopping mall. The extent to which these places go to be outrageous is pretty amazing. The Forum isn't any ordinary shopping mall -- it's a cobblestone Roman villa under the stars, littered with marble statuary and fountains. Apparently the statues come to life and sing at various times, but we missed the performance.

At Caesar's, Irina introduced us to the idea of nickel slots. You do get to play longer, but it's not as satisfying if you win. For that matter, it doesn't feel like your really gambling if you lose. "Hey, I just lost 20 coins -- oh wait, that was just a dollar." I can lose that in the couch and not care. Caesar's also reminded me that I wasn't in California anymore -- it was hella smokey. They even had ashtrays built into the restroom stalls!

After a brief respite back at the motel, we headed towards the Hilton, home of the Star Trek Experience. Still hadn't heard from Elisa yet, but we left a detailed note in the motel room with our cellphone numbers and told the motel deskperson to give Elisa the key when she arrived.

The Hilton is about a jillion miles away from the main part of the Strip. On the way, we sighted Elvis, resplendent in a jeweled red jumpsuit. He had us at whoa (there's your token in-joke for the weekend). Got pictures, of course! We also had a Blair Witch epiphany -- with Elisa having, essentially, disappeared, and us wandering endlessly thru Vegas with no map, it was as if we actually had become the Blair Trystan Project. So Irina made a tearful confession to Kelly's video camera and apologized to all of our parents.

We did, of course, find the Hilton, though we swore we'd take a cab back, and after much cellphone use and life-saving long-distance assistance from Thomas, we did meet up with Elisa outside the Star Trek Experience.

First, we had lunch at Quark's Bar and Restaurant. Let me just say that the whole Trek thing at the Hilton is totally a geek's wet dream. Everything is straight out of the TV shows, everything is themed, and all the details are included. It is so very cool, and we were all going nuts about it. The restaurant menu is totally Trek, with Romulan ale (blue beer -- Kelly found it too disturbing to drink, so I finished it off for her), Tribble strips (tastes just like chicken!), Sulu's Salad (Chinese chicken salad), Rings of Betazed (onion rings served on a tall wire frame), and a mega-drink called Warp Speed 10 -- the table next to us had one and it was very impressive! Looked like a huge fishbowl filled with liquor and dry ice. I think the minimum for that drink was five people, and we only had three at that time, so we declined.

At the end of our meal, we were greeted by two Ferengis. They were pretty charming -- for Ferengis! Kelly caught it all on video for posterity. There were also Klingons loitering and scaring small children in the shops.

Speaking of which, we all had to exercise extreme will power in order to not buy one of everything in the shops (especially that red and black suede jacket that looked just like Picard's!). In the end, I bought a bottle of Klingon Blood Wine, a tacky shotglass for my collection, a polo shirt for Thomas, and some other little trinkets. We also got a picture taken of all of us being beamed down into the Enterprise transport room with Dr. McCoy.

Elisa, Kelly, and I went on the Star Trek Experience ride, while Irina gambled some more (she was afraid her stomach wouldn't be happy with the motion-simulator ride). The first part of the Experience is a Star Trek museum. We probably spent a whole hour there! It had a super-detailed timeline of the entire history of space exploration and the Star Trek universe. There were elaborate displays of Trek costumes and props. And there were several video montage stations, one of which thoroughly choked up Elisa and I -- it was all the most stirring and philosophical speeches from all the Trek shows and movies, culminating with Kirk's "second star to the left and straight on till morning" bit. Oh yes, we are saps! But ain't it fun!

The ride itself completely tromps all over Star Tours, it's closest relation. There's a live-action part on the bridge of the Next Gen Enterprise, then there's a tour through the Enterprise bowels, and finally a rockin' shuttle ride that ends with an amazing spaceship battle right over the Las Vegas Strip! It was so much fun!!!

After Star Trek, we did a bit more gambling, then taxied back to the Strip just in time for Treasure Island's pirate ship battle. We suffered through the crush of people to watch the show, then realized an hour later that we could have seen the whole thing much better from right outside our motel room!

We spent nearly three hours primping and getting ready to go out for dinner. It was a very girly slumber party moment, complete with Easy Cheeze and singing Kiss and Squeeze songs (or, to be more accurate, the chorus from one Kiss song and half of one Squeeze song, interspersed with snatches of anything song-like I could remember, which wasn't much at the time). Irina changed into a black suede miniskirt, tight black top, and tall lace-up boots. I put on a skimpy black tanktop, a red sueded miniskirt, and my velvet motorcycle jacket. Elisa and Kelly did gorgeous things with their hair and makeup (with assistance from Irina). We all looked hot to trot! Then we set off in the direction of the Bellagio hotel for it's famously fabulous buffet dinner.

Distances in Vegas are deceiving. You'll look down the Strip and see a hotel. It looks like it's just a short block or so away. You walk. You keep walking. About 20 minutes and two miles later, you've arrived at that hotel, completely exhausted and with very sore feet.

The walk to the Bellagio was not as far as to the Hilton, but it was long enough. Irina was leading the way, since she'd been there before, and I was walking with her 'cause I like to walk fast. Kelly and Elisa were a little bit behind us, since the Saturday night crowds didn't leave enough room for four to walk side-by-side. According to Kelly, Irina and I made quite an impression on the lads walking in the opposite direction. Oblivious me didn't notice.

The Bellagio buffet was $22 -- seemingly outrageous in the land of the $7 all-you-can-eat deals -- but it was well worth it! The food was super high quality. Things you'd get at a four-star restaurant, like venison, crab legs, salmon, California-style pizzas, pasta in rich sauces, exotic cheeses and salads, decadent desserts, you name it! For starters, I had a plate of cheeses and breads (which were delish with the overpriced glass of merlot I had), a little cherve and tomato salad, and a cup of hot-and-sour soup. As an entree, I had three kinds of potatoes, tender marinated venison, and two kinds of pasta. For dessert, we all picked at about eight different cakes, cheesecakes, and tarts. It was divine! Surprisingly, I didn't gain a lot of weight from it (maybe it was all the walking). I had the final fitting of my wedding bodice right when I got back, and it fit perfectly. Whew!

After such a lavish and huge meal, I felt utterly dead. I was about to pass out from exhaustion and satisfaction. We were in a bit of a quandary as to go back to the motel or press on. We'd hoped to go to the Red Square (a Russian-themed bar with an extensive vodka selection) at the Mandalay Bay Hotel, but that was so much farther down the Strip. I thought I'd fall asleep right there in the Bellagio casino. But then we walked outside, and the crisp night air, combined with the stunning view of the Paris hotel and casino across the street perked me right up!

Only in Las Vegas could you eat dinner in an Italian style hotel, then walk outside to face the Eiffel Tower and l'Arc de Triomphe. I don't think these faux French monuments were life-size, but they were awfully big and quite impressive. Closest I've been to Paris! We wandered along the columned walkways and fountains of the Bellagio, and took lots of pictures with Paris in the background. Then we went to see it up-close. This is one of those truly bizarre Vegas-surreality moments. The Paris hotel is a weird conglomeration of French architecture. There's the Tower and the Arc with parts of a classic French chateau and a regal government-ish building in between. You go inside, and it's styled like a cobblestoned French village under a wispy-clouded blue sky with tons of Art Deco flourishes and staff who wish you "bonne chance!" at every turn. Totally trippy. We gambled a bunch more, and I think all of us (except perhaps Irina) came out ahead by the time the thick smoke forced us out of Paris. I hear the real thing has the same air problem.

That was the end of the day for Kelly and me. Irina and Elisa went back to the Venetian next door -- Irina ostensibly went to find out where the airport shuttle would pick us up the next morning. Kelly and I talked while I packed up my stuff, and she fell asleep pretty quickly. I was out like a light by 3:30am. Elisa and Irina returned and went to bed about 4am.

The wakeup call for Irina and me was at 7:30am. Kelly softened the wakeup blow by giving me a great shoulder, neck, and face massage. Irina and I got our stuff, and we all went over to the Venetian for some coffee before the shuttle took Irina and me to the airport.

I was totally beat, but incredibly happy. I spent a fabulous 33 hours with three of the best friends I could ever have. My only regret is that it was so short! Oh well, we'll just have to do it again!